Your Nipples Are Blinding Me

Athena of the Golden Nipples

Athena of the Cockeyed Golden Nipples

Dear Igigi,

Surely there was a better picture than this to show off your wares. Because the point, you see, is to show off your¬†wares, not your model’s wares. After all, you’re not asking me to plunk down $150 for her nipples…because that would be illegal.

Also, not only have you chosen a picture in which it’s nearly impossible not to stare at The Golden Nipples — talk about having the high beams on — but you’ve also managed to choose one that makes for Cockeyed Golden Nipples. I’m sure your model doesn’t want to be known as the Girl with the Carnie-Eyed Tits. But now, that’s what she is. Good job, guys.

Love,
the Wearapist

 

Note: If for some reason you would really love to risk the Curse of the Shiny Nipple, you can make this floor-length green and gold monstrosity your own. And you can do it at an additional 20% off by using coupon code “RESORT2012”. ¬†Please, don’t send me pictures.