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Eloquii – $49 Dresses

Eloquii is doing a promo they’re calling 5 Days of Fabulousness. Every day for the next five days, they’re going to throw down something they consider to be great deals. Personally, I think their lack of ability to pick a non-ridiculous name means their taste should be immediately considered suspect. So, since they’re a member of a suspect class, I’m going to look over their suggested fabulousness and try to pull a few examples of things worth actually considering.

Today’s offering: $49 Dresses

Dress with navy stripes

If you have the ability to pull off a sheath dress, then this Printed Stripe Dress is a potentially awesome addition to your wardrobe. Navy and white is a great combo, and leaves you with lots of options for other colors to play with as accents–yellow, orange, pink, or green would all work well.

Black and yellow print dress

It’s not easy to see in the picture, but the combination of slight cowl neck and box pleats in this Two In One Belted Box Pleat Dress makes for interesting details in an otherwise pretty simple dress. This is an easy to wear shape for a variety of body types (please, please, please don’t pull that belt up so it rides under your boobs), and the happy yellow color in the skirt makes it suitable for a wide range of seasons.

Faux wrap dress in navy

I know it’s another navy dress, but this one is actually available in other colors as well — charcoal, black, a lighter/brighter blue, and green. This was just my favorite picture of the ones on the site. And besides, who can resist a wrap dress? OK, so technically Eloquii’s Signature 3/4 Sleeve Wrap Dress is a faux-wrap,  but it’s still pretty. And versatile. And for less than fifty bucks, a pretty decent buy.

There are other dresses on offer today for $49, but these were my favorites.




Your Nipples Are Blinding Me

Athena of the Golden Nipples

Athena of the Cockeyed Golden Nipples

Dear Igigi,

Surely there was a better picture than this to show off your wares. Because the point, you see, is to show off your wares, not your model’s wares. After all, you’re not asking me to plunk down $150 for her nipples…because that would be illegal.

Also, not only have you chosen a picture in which it’s nearly impossible not to stare at The Golden Nipples — talk about having the high beams on — but you’ve also managed to choose one that makes for Cockeyed Golden Nipples. I’m sure your model doesn’t want to be known as the Girl with the Carnie-Eyed Tits. But now, that’s what she is. Good job, guys.

the Wearapist


Note: If for some reason you would really love to risk the Curse of the Shiny Nipple, you can make this floor-length green and gold monstrosity your own. And you can do it at an additional 20% off by using coupon code “RESORT2012”.  Please, don’t send me pictures.




Just Say No to Boob Ruffles

This dress, while cheap, is not cute. It is especially not cute if you are large of boob.

Big girl in a big green dress with big green ruffles on her tits

It's kind of like wilted lettuce falling off of her tits, no?

High on the list of things the well-endowed should avoid are rows of ruffles cascading off of one’s boobs. It’s not a good look. Seriously.